My Simple Community

August 21, 2010

I have always thought that the powerful stories come from those who instigate the experience or were part of the experience.  I hear these stories all the time while I am on the road talking about community, but I can’t get people to share them. And I feel like my report is such a watered down version of what it would be if it came from those who were involved. I may think differently now. 

I had a great conversation with someone from www.actsofkindness.org yesterday (a website you may see referenced a lot on here going forward). Check it out. They have been around since 1995 and they are all about encouraging… well… random acts of kindness, and they realize that when people become aware of such acts they are inclined to do them.

Here is a direct example (with permission) from their website:

4. Drive-by Flowering

Submitted by Shannon, Wisconsin

I lived in a very small town growing up, and my friends and I had to be very

creative to alleviate boredom. One night, we decided to do a “drive-by flowering.”

We went to a few different fields and gathered bunches of wildflowers

until they filled my family’s van (not just with flowers... also with dirt... so be

careful!).

Then we drove to our friends’ and teachers’ houses and left flowers tucked

under the wiper blades of their cars and hanging from their front doorknobs.

It was an unforgettable night.

I showed this to my wife Vicki and we both had the same response – we want to do it!

Anyway, in as we continued our conversation yesterday, we started talking about the source of stories – they get a lot – and at first I was asking how to get people who are champions for community to talk about it.  The more we talked the more we became aware of an important dynamic about stories of community champions or those who do random acts of kindness.

Those “Doers” more often than not are making sacrifices as part of their act. Perhaps the vast majority of those sacrifices are very small, but a part of the nature of the act is the giving heart that would not want – and certainly wouldn’t seek – attention for what they do. It would defeat the purpose for them. I think that goes a long way to explain why we have so few stories of community champions even though I am certain there are millions of stories out there.

As our conversation continued, we saw two other great sources for those stories.

All of these things that community champions do involve other people. So there is a “Receiver” of the act of kindness or community experience. So maybe we should be motivating people who have been on the receiving end to tell us. The problem with that is that the experiences are mostly RANDOM. You might agree to share such a story, should you experience one, but could wait forever to be a “receiver.”

There’s one other option that just might do it. We want to find a way to motivate those who care about community and kindness to become “Reporters.”  That is, we all can invest a little energy to try and find champions and learn their stories then pass them along. I realize I have come full circle here. I started by saying my sharing of other people’s stories are watered down compared to the telling of it by those involved. But if we all became conscious reporters – if we started intentionally looking for and talking about vibrant community when we see it – imagine how many more flowers would show up on people’s doorsteps.

Can you be a reporter?

May 21, 2010

“We are never too old to be young or too young to be old.”

I got in the car this afternoon a little before 4. It was hot outside (I’m in Florida and it’s been summer for three weeks now – sorry). I had all the windows open a crack and my car had been parked totally in the shade, but when I started it and looked at the temperature outdoors it read 102 degrees.  My car had a fever.

I don’t mind the heat. My wife Vicki doesn’t do so well. Still, 102 is hot. Realistically, it was probably more like 92. But hot is hot.

I was reminded of a time one summer a few years ago when I was speaking to a business group about the importance of community. It was a practical strategic session meaning it wasn’t the most exciting of talks. It was hot outside and I could see they were fading fast.

I asked “Which would you rather do, another hour of this, or go out on the lawn and have a water balloon fight?” I should have had a camera.  Just the thought of it did the trick.  They immediately understood the benefit of joyful momentary community. And even though they were dressed in business clothes, they wouldn’t let go of the thought.

Sometime after that, at a similar meeting in another company, I came more prepared. Not only did I have water balloons, but they were filled and ready to go. Needless to say, we got wet.

Now there’s a story.

And the thing about that story is the odds are very good that one of you will do the very same thing simply because YOU smiled when you heard it.  You got it. You are going to do it.

The power of stories.

That, and the age thing…  You don’t have to be old to feel old. I have seen college kids who were too burned out from school to take a moment for simple community. Those moments of water balloon fights revive us. The hours that follow the moments of community are filled with far more energy.

The challenge is taking the first step. Go get the balloons…

February 10, 2010

I received an email (you can reach me at: mail@mysimplecommunity.com) today from someone who regularly reads the blog. I thought it was very powerful and raises some great points.  I wanted to pass it along and I hope others have thoughts to share in response (either in “make a comment” or by email).  By the way, I will post all the comments that have stories or spark discussion as COMMENTS like this one under the “Stories” tag.  Thanks for taking the time to send this.  – Rich

+++

“Rich, I just read all your Simple Community site comments about the Super Bowl parties. Well, I actually AVOID going to things like that because often times community for me with a bunch of semi-strangers is work. Maybe it's easy for you, but frankly, I would rather just be with my wife, two kids who came over and a fridge full of goodies. Now if that makes me weird, so be it. But you may be surprised that there are many, many people just like me. They want real, genuine relationships, not idle chatter at a Super Bowl party. That's the biggest problem church social activities have. Are they real? Do they really mean anything?

“When I read how you and Vicki stroll through your neighborhood and have "wonderful" conversations with your neighbors, it's not me. Sure others do it, but it's not me. So in order for me to want community, I have to WANT community. 

“Let me say it another way. Community for the sake of community does nothing for me. I need people who care, not those who are just socially polite. I need friends who will stand behind me not people who could care less about me. Community can lead to that, sure, but it's often out of my comfort zone. This group talks together. That group talks together. And I am not in any of those groups, so it takes effort.

“However, what if I just don't want to? What if I'm really very happy just as I am? I am saying all this, not to discourage you, but rather to have you figure out how to get around my "objections". You have a tiger by the tail, but not everyone wants to follow.”

It's two hours before game time and all over America people are starting to gather in front of a TV with family, friends & neighbors.

Did you know that 2/3 of the time that watching NFL games on TV is really social gathering?  It is. Sixty-six percent of those who watch say they watch with others and do it as a planned activity.  They are making the same kind of arrangements they would need to do if they were going to a party or out to dinner with friends.

And the Super Bowl is the single time every year that the most Americans are doing the very same social gathering experience at the same time.

So... SOMEONE out there HAS to have a great community story to share come Monday.  Please do.

...and enjoy the game!

February 5, 2010

Stories are the proof that life has taken place.

Let’s say your friends or co-workers knew you were going to some kind of gathering last night.  Someone will ask you today how it went.  You will most likely give one of two kinds of response.

If it was nothing special, you will probably answer with no more than five words. “Okay.”  “Ehh.” “No big deal.” “Alright.”

However, if it was good at all… you will tell a story. In fact, I want to challenge you to think of a time you were involved in a great social gathering you later described in any other way but a story.

Stories are proof that life has taken place.  The more stories we have, the more life we are experiencing.  If someone asks you what’s new and you respond: “Okay.”  “Ehh.” “No big deal.” “Alright,” you need to get a life. In fact, I hope for you that when asked what’s new you have so many stories to choose from you don’t know where to begin.

Do you have a story from yesterday?  How old is your most recent story?

Here’s the thing… the purpose of this blog is YOUR stories, not mine.  I am going to do everything I can to get us there.  You telling your stories of what your community does to bring life to your family, friends and neighborhood will do far more to encourage others to live more fully and revitalize community than whatever I write in this space.

Have a story to share? Make a comment.